Over the years, the phrase “self-care” has made me cringe. I think the reason I hate it is that it’s so easy to take advantage of the concept, using it as an excuse for selfish care. Many articles and social media posts I’ve seen tout the necessity of self-care as though it’s the key to happiness! However, the methods mentioned seem superficial at best and detrimental at worst. The self-care concept has grown into a sensationalized trend rife with pedicures, fancy drinks, shopping excursions, and bath bombs.
To me, this sounds more like self-indulgence.
While some time for pampering is certainly okay, in my opinion, promoting these indulgences as a right because “you deserve it” is wrong.
In my journey of serving (in foster care/special needs parenting especially), I have certainly felt the need to care for myself but have pushed it aside hoping to avoid falling into selfishness.
It seems to me that most of us naturally look out for ourselves, and our tendency leans more toward too much self-care and not enough sacrificial living.
However, not long ago, it became apparent that in trying to avoid the ditch of selfishness, I launched myself across the road into the opposite ditch of burnout (why are we so prone to extremes?!).
Somewhere along the road, all the ruts and rocks, detours, dead ends, and rerouting blew my proverbial tire. Suddenly, I found myself wanting to run across the field to whatever greener grasses might be there instead of fixing the tire and continuing on this bumpy road. What had felt like a smooth path just weeks before was suddenly everything but.
I bet you can relate.
This life is surely full of curveballs and challenges, isn’t it? None of us are immune to the changing terrain of life.
But when things get to the point of blowing tires, it might be time to evaluate why we’re suddenly stranded and needing repairs.
Usually, we don’t arrive there overnight. There are often warning signs along the way–perhaps a tire pressure warning light had been on and ignored a little too long. Maybe we’ve been hauling too heavy a load.
It turns out that maintenance lights both in our vehicles and our lives are there for a reason. It’s not just a good idea to take notice–but critical to avoid breakdowns.
For me, multiple factors combined to create the perfect storm. A year and a half of fostering a high-needs little one (with very few breaks), while also navigating the teen stage, a major life transition (my husband went from being an electrician into pastoral ministry), as well as other challenging foster care circumstances are the biggest pieces. Throw in a bout of illness and additional factors making it impossible to get out of the house…and bam! Tire. Blown. It was suddenly all too much.
Initially, I was disappointed in myself. God clearly called us to foster care and ministry. So, why did I feel like I was floundering? Shouldn’t I be able to keep it all together?
Well, no. Not on my own.
The truth is, contrary to the inaccurate statement that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, this calling is more than I can carry. And apparently, as much as I lean on the Lord, I was still trying to be more self-sufficient than I should have.
Have you been there? Cruising along at top speed only to find yourself stranded with a flat tire?
If so, it’s time to consider what self-care should look like for the Christian.
I maintain that the trendy self-care movement is dangerous, but can admit that each one of us, especially in serving roles, needs care to keep providing care. And as a friend recently reminded me–even Jesus got away by himself.
And he withdrew himself into the wilderness and prayed.
Luke 5:16
What is Christian Self-Care?
So, what should self-care look like for a Christian?
How can we honor our human need for rest and recharging without slipping into selfishness?
Unlike the worldly methods of self-care, which seem to be escapism and self-medicating (binging on shows, excessive social media scrolling, shopping, indulging in food and alcohol, extreme pampering, etc.), Christian self-care is an intentional lifestyle. In this lifestyle, specific practices are put in place that are designed to help us avoid the ditch of burnout and re-engage with our responsibilities in a healthier manner.
Instead of merely escaping, the Christian can follow Jesus’ example and intentionally withdraw to a quiet place. But this is not just time away to do whatever we please (although there is a time for some of that within reason). No, if we look at what Jesus was doing when he went away by himself we see that it was for a very specific reason: to pray.
Christian self-care practice #1: Prayer
I think it’s easy to underestimate the power of focused, extended prayer time. As a busy mom, my prayers are often uttered in the margins–desperate pleas for patience when the toddler is screaming, petitions for friends and family’s needs whispered over a sink of dishes, mealtime thanks, and bedtime blessings. And these are important prayers. God hears them. They fall in line with the admonition to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). But there is something profoundly transformational about time away in prayer. Away doesn’t necessarily mean a prayer retreat away from home as divine as that sounds. Rather, away from the noise and distractions that take our focus off of the One who offers all we need to be sustained.
I’ve been reminded lately that time on our knees or face down before the Holy God of the universe is not an outdated, old-fashioned posture of prayer. Rather, it’s the posture of a humble heart that knows undivided time with God is powerful. Rushed prayers don’t always allow for the deeper transformation and refreshment that happens with a prostrate body and heart.
This form of soul care is the essence of Christian self-care.
There are more practices we can add, but this one is non-negotiable for keeping our hearts and minds healthy and anchored in rest.
I know it can seem impossible to find truly quiet minutes to “go into your room and close the door” to pray. Yes, life is busy. The distractions are many. Oh, how the cares of this world pull. But with such power, connection, and possibility of breakthrough that can happen in intimate conversations with our Maker, we dare not neglect this secret place. Which brings us to the next practice.
Christian self-care practice #2: Priorities
Because life can be so full, a major part of Christian self-care is having our priorities straight. This begins with recognizing we are human, and that to be human means we have limitations.
We cannot do it all.
Learning what our limitations are and then having the willpower to apply appropriate boundaries is a practice that will help us avoid burnout. A lot of relief can be found in one tiny, yet powerful word: No.
Sometimes this word needs to be applied when we are tempted to reach for our phone as a means of relief when time in that prayer practice will have far more benefit.
Other times, we might need to say no to serving when we know we have reached our capacity–even if the need is great.
We cannot be everything to everyone. The needs will always outweigh our capacity. Therefore, we need to be realistic and clear about which ones are ours to do.
For help in this area:
Life On Purpose: A Guide to Intentionally Cultivating Your Life | Lindsey J. Zitzmann
It isn’t right to ignore other’s needs to follow our selfish endeavors. Neither is it okay to believe that it all falls on our shoulders.
And this is the reason we need the next practice.
Christian self-care practice #3: People
We are designed for relationships and we need other people. We have become such an independent society that admitting this can be uncomfortable. Yet, if we look closely, we will find in the examples throughout the Bible that depending on people was the normal way to live. Our need for personal connection, face-to-face communication, and sharing each other’s burdens is still there in these modern times. It just isn’t being as well satisfied as it could be. The counterfeit connection of social media is starving our relational needs.
When we feel ourselves on the brink of burnout, we need to be humble enough to reach out and admit our need for another.
It’s okay to ask for extra prayer. We are not selfish if we accept babysitting for an evening out. We are not ‘needy’ if we request a face-to-face heart-to-heart. It’s even okay to admit when we might need even more than that.
And on the flip side? Let’s be willing and ready to offer help when we see a need. In this kind of give and take, there is great blessing and fewer blown tires. Life, after all, is a community project.
Even though we need others, we still have an individual responsibility to maintain our bodies well so there is less potential for breakdowns.
Christian self-care practice #4: Physical Health
As Christians, we need to remember that our bodies are not our own. Rather, they belong to God to be used for His glory however He sees fit. To the best of our ability, we are called to steward our bodies well.
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20, ESV
The most basic health prescription is sleep, water, proper nutrition, fresh air, movement, and sunshine.
Entire books could be written on the importance and benefits of each of the previous items–they’re that important to our health. Most of us know this but often don’t prioritize them as highly as we should. Especially, if we are caregivers.
I know from experience that not getting enough sleep quickly sets me up for burnout and is something I must prioritize to function well (Toddler screamed half the night? I go to bed at 8:30 even if it means something else is left undone. It’s that important for my wellness).
Your *musts* might be different from mine, but generally speaking, as humans, we all need to follow the basic health prescription to maintain a reasonable level of functioning.
Focusing on our physical health is not about looking better in our jeans etc., but glorifying God and being as healthy as we can be for the work He has called us to do.
Listen to this podcast for an insightful Christian perspective on how to think about health, nutrition, and wellness ↙
Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey: Ep 951 | What Does the Bible Say About Our Diet? | Guest: Chelsea Blackbird
Christian self-care practice #5: Praise
Praise has a way of realigning our perspective, edifying our souls, and nourishing our life-sustaining relationship with the One who carries us through everything.
When we praise, we are fulfilling our very purpose.
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
1 Peter 2:9, ESV
When we praise God we take our eyes off ourselves and whatever wearying situation we might be encountering and place them on the One who holds it all.
Praise keeps us humble by reminding us that it is HIS power that sustains us in our weakness. We are dependent on Him by design. When we try to accomplish anything in our own strength, burnout is bound to happen.
The practice of praise crowds out our inclination to complain about our struggles as our hearts and lips are instead filled with praise for His goodness.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy
Psalm 103:2-4
Praise invites the presence of God to infiltrate our lives and has the power to change the tone and atmosphere of a room or situation immediately.
He inhabits the praises of His people.
Psalm 22:3
Praise paves the way for so much. Through one powerful act of praise, His power can be displayed as he changes situations and defeats the attacks of the enemy in our lives. Through this critical “Christian self-care practice” His glory is revealed as He refreshes our spirits, changes our hearts, and opens the door for His blessings to be poured out.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ.
Ephesians 1:3
Praise is powerful. Prayer and praise are the foundational practices for Christian self-care. Even if our situation doesn’t change, these practices change us. Through these practices, we have access to God, through Jesus, and in Him, there is nothing we cannot endure.
Read for a more comprehensive study on Praise:
Four Truths About The Power of Praise — Symphony of Praise
Why is Christian self-care important?
Simply stated, we cannot give what we don’t have. If we are used up and burned out, it will be difficult to serve in any sort of helpful way. Yet, Christian Self-Care is far different than the counterfeit methods the world offers. Those things may refresh, satisfy, and bring temporary relief and comfort, but they don’t last. They are empty solutions.
We all need refreshment and care. But as Christians, we need to realign our perspectives from the worldly expectations of comfort and ease to finding the true refreshment and sustaining power that is available to all who believe. We are not promised easy. But we are promised abundant life when walking in the power of Christ.
He is the Ultimate Guide for any Christian Self-Care we need.
🖤