You Must Become Captivated to be Set Free

Chained to a past of mistakes.

Swallowed up in shame.

Shackled in regrets.

Drowning in fear.

Bound by too many cares of this world.

Silently suffering from gaping soul wounds.

Panic and anxiety always simmering just beneath that surface smile.

This was my self-contained prison for many years.

Trapped within the confines of my own mind, held captive by the memories that plagued my thoughts. Even sleep rarely offered relief. More often than not, tortuous dreams haunted my fitful slumber. Upon opening my eyes when I awoke for the day, relief would come but for a moment. The momentary relief quickly vanished like a bursting bubble as I realized that this was not just a dream…this was my life. Hopelessness and despair threatened to end what life I had left.

I had become a mere shell of the vibrant, joyful girl I had once been. Laughter had long been replaced with tears. Lightness was overcome by a darkness so deep I couldn’t claw my way out of the dark pit no matter how hard I tried.

I was utterly and completely lost. Imprisoned by the shame of my own poor choices and a broken victim held in bondage by the bad decisions inflicted upon me by others.

Have you been there? In a place so dark even the light looks gray?

This kind of darkness consumes a soul, brutally overtaking, condemning, and imprisoning. Each dark memory replayed and every self-condemning word adds another link to the chain that winds around a soul until suffocation is nearly inevitable.

Perhaps you know someone held captive in a prison of shame, pain, and regrets– darkness their constant companion.

Or maybe this is your story, too.

If so, I’m so sorry, but can I tell you something?

The darkness does not need to be a life sentence.

Emotional prison does not need to be your dwelling space for the rest of your days.

There is a way to escape.

There is a light so bright it can penetrate even the blackest darkness.

I have found it. 

His name is Jesus.

Oh, I knew him before, but I had walked away seeking the “freedoms” of the world. Ironically, I went looking for freedom but ended up in captivity. Then, after my wanderings, I allowed my shame to keep my head down, too scared and scarred to believe I was able to come back. I allowed myself to believe the lie that my past was bigger than his grace. That my shame was too much to let him have. That I had been damaged beyond restoration.

These lies only wound the chains tighter.

But Jesus didn’t walk away from me. Where I had failed, he was faithful.

It wasn’t a fast escape. Those chains holding me captive had taken years to wind themselves around me and I had become accustomed to them in some ways. When pain and shame have taken up residence in a soul they change a person completely. It takes something really powerful to break free from these chains.

Self-help books, counseling sessions, and support from family and friends were wonderful but they weren’t enough to set me free. As I look back, I can see they were precious stepping stones that gradually brought me far enough into the light to be able to see where freedom could be found.

Jesus. Only Jesus held the power to truly set me free.

Day by day I made the choice to read the Bible.

Little by little the truth found in those pages seeped in and began to loosen the lies that were so firmly planted in my mind.

Link by link He began to unravel my prison chains. As I timidly lifted my head to seek Him, Jesus lovingly met me exactly where I was. He entered my prison and gently ministered to my wounds. He didn’t come crashing in, breaking me free in one fell swoop. Instead, he wooed me slowly. He chose one link at a time to cut off. One issue, one lie that needed to be broken before the next link was accessible.

Sometimes, as soon as a link had been cut off, I would snatch it right back up, clutching it like a lifeline instead of the shackle that it was. I would read the truth, yet my wounded heart said it was for everyone else and not for me.

Jesus, you say you forgive, restore, and redeem, but have you really seen what I’ve done? Do you know where I’ve been? Do you know just how broken I am? Broken, used, and dirty. Surly this prision is where I belong. 

The response was always the same.

Yes, child. I see. I know. But do you see me? 

I wasn’t sure what that meant. I thought I saw him. I thought I understood who Jesus was—Righteous, Just, Holy, Judge. I saw Jesus through the veil of my shame and expected condemnation. I was so focused on my wounds and regrets that I failed to see who he really is.

Yes, he is a righteous, just, holy judge, but he is also grace, peace, forgiveness, and light wrapped up in amazing, sacrificial LOVE.

Inch by inch, the love of Jesus lifted the veil from my eyes until I could see beyond my past and look clearly into the face of love. A love so intense it died for me. Love so perfect it can be trusted completely. A love so powerful it can break every single chain for every single person when we finally surrender.

It wasn’t until I stopped looking behind at my mistakes and what others had done to me and instead looked into the face of love that chains begin to break.

It wasn’t until the blinders fell off my eyes and I could truly see him that healing swept in.

Through his light, my darkness dissipated.

It wasn’t until I was 100% captivated by Jesus that I was finally FREE.

I have found redemption from my mistakes.

Joy instead of shame.

I humbly accept the wisdom I have gained and the lessons I have learned from my regrets.

Perfect love has replaced my fear.

Jesus now carries my burdens.

My soul wounds have been soothed by the healing power of what Jesus did on the cross.

A peace that passes understanding has replaced panic and anxiety.

And the smile I now wear? It comes from deep down inside and is genuinely real… This is my new reality.

No longer held captive in darkness, I am now captivated by the light.

And I owe it all to Jesus.

Dear reader,

I’d love to pray for you if you are struggling in darkness! After finding the light, it is painful to see those still wandering around in darkness when freedom can be found. You can send me a message through my contact page, or post a comment below. Please know that Jesus is able to set you free as well–if you don’t know him, I’d be thrilled to help you learn more. If you’ve wandered away– he’s waiting for you with arms wide open.